Graduation

Despite many resevations about having to go this ceremony; I did it.

To Graduate or not to Graduate

I was lucky enough to finish an undergraduate Degree awhile ago. It was a Bachelor of Social and Community Studies. I put alot into again that degree. Part of the time I was working part-time whilst studying full time and being a mom to 7 and a full time wife. Some of the time I questioned why I was even trying to do this degree. Sometimes I would cry my eyes out; stressed that whatever work I was handing in wouldn't be good enough or exhusted because I had begged my family for time to complete an assignment for weeks and it didn't come so I had to pull all-night study whilst still doing the rest of the stuff I had to do. Sometimes my all-night study meant that I wouldn't sleep at all for 2 or 3 days. I LOVED the classes, and managed to get a great grade point average which got me on the Golden Key Honors Society and has gotten me into a Masters Degree (Social Work). But, I finished this Undergraduate Degree awhile ago. I have spent this year starting my Masters and withdrawing until next year because of Uterine Cancer. I have just gone through surgery (3 and a half weeks ago) and have been told to take things easy. I would love too, but juggling a family has not allowed me that opportunity. Now, I am suppose to be going through a Graduation Ceremony tomorrow to receive this Undergraduate Degree. I don't want to go!Excuses:- I finished it awhile ago and have moved on, I have NOTHING to wear, taking the kids there will be noisy and stressful, I have to hire a gown and that is going to cost $250, I would rather save the money for our trip to California (which is only 23 days away), I don't like the Lecturer who will be presenting the Degree, I don't like the way I am looking, it will be boring. This list will go on and on and on if I let it. I guess the underlying reasons I don't want to do this are that I am not happy with me, and I didn't finish this Degree "perfectly" (illness meant that I had to take a leave of absense and everybody I studied with have already been through this).

Apricot and coconut slice

Another quick and easy vegan recipe my family love is Apricot and coconut slice.

Ingredients 1 cup dried apricots chopped, 1 cup soft brown sugar, 1 cup Self raising flour 1 cup non dairy milk (we use soy) Place all ingredients in a bowl and stir. Then place mixed ingredients in a slice tray that has been lined with baking paper. Bake for 30-40 minutes in an oven set at 180oC or 356oF. Remove when golden brown. Dust with icing suar when cool.

Quinoa and Black Beans

I was watching Dr Oz on TV the other day whilst recouperating and he mentioned that that two "super foods" are quinoa and black bean. They happen to be in one of my family's favorite foods. My Quinoa and black bean takes only about 15 minutes to prepare and 35 minutes to cook and each time I cook it there is never anything left.

Ingredients • 1 teaspoon olive oil • 1 red onion, chopped • 3 cloves garlic, peeled and chopped • 1 cup uncooked quinoa • 2 cups vegetable broth • 1 teaspoon ground cumin • 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper • salt and pepper to taste • 1 cup fresh or canned corn kernels • 2 (15 ounce) cans black beans, rinsed and drained • 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro Directions 1. Heat the oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the onion and garlic, and saute until lightly browned. 2. Mix quinoa into the saucepan and cover with vegetable broth. Season with cumin, cayenne pepper, salt, and pepper. Bring the mixture to a boil. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 20 minutes, 3. Stir corn and black beans into the saucepan, and continue to simmer about 5 minutes until heated through. Add cilantro and serve.

Surgery

On Monday I finally had surgery.The surgery that I have been waiting two years for. The first thing the Dr said to me was that it wasn't in my head, that it was essential that I had that surgery. I came home yesterday and feel like any mom, that there are a million things I have to do. It's just that I can't do any of it for at least the next 6 weeks. I guess it is time like these I must remember to take things slowly. I also have to be able to work up the nerve to be able to give myself a daily injection. (Not looking forward to it). It's funny that the hospital just gave me a script and told me to give myself injections for the next 5 days. They didn't even show me how to do it (this doesn't bother me as I did nursing, but what if they did the same to another patient?). I am glad to be out of hospital and back with my family.

Lentil soup

When I was a kid one of our many family traditions over winter was toasted sandwiches and soup on a Saturday. Often our Nana and Pop would join us and it was a real family time. The soup was often tinned, and I wasn't a big fan of it, so I was suprised when about a year ago I found this recipe that I absolutely adore. Lentil soup

Ingredients 1 brown onion, finely chopped 2 celery sticks, trimmed, coarsely chopped 1 carrot, peeled, coarsely chopped 1 swede, peeled, coarsely chopped 1 garlic clove, crushed 1 tbs olive oil 115g (1/2 cup) red lentils 2 x 400g cans diced italian tomatoes (we like the ones with herbs and garlic), 1200ml (5 cups) vegetable stock 3 tsp ground cumin Other posibe variations: 1 bunch chopped kale 1 tsp chipotle powder Method: Brown onion and garlic in olive oil in a large saucepan, add celery, carrot, swede, garlic, lentils, tomato, stock and cumin (this is also when you can add kale and/ or chipotle powder). Cover and bring to the boil, reduce heat and simmer for 15-20 minutes or until vegetables are tender and soup is thick. Divide soup among serving bowls and serve.

Vegetarian to vegan

Last November I decided to switch from begin vegetarian to vegan. I have tried in the past, and failed. Although I have been a vegetarian since 10, and didn't drink milk or eat eggs (unless they were in something)I found it hard to go completely vegan. I would try for a few weeks and the smell of a cheese pizza or vegie lasagne would draw me in again. Just after my last birthday I decided to give it an honest try. My weight is huge and the junk food is killing me. Most of the rest of the family are vegetarian (except our 7 year old who loves meat), so it hasn't been that hard this time. Last night I cooked up Zucchini balls for the tribe, and James asked if I would share some recipes on my blog so he can use them when he is back at university. So here is the first of many vegetarian or vegan recipes the we use. Zucchini Balls

500g (17.6 oz)Grated Zucchini. pinch of salt, 1 small onion grated. 1 teaspoon, 1/2 cup fetta grated, 4 eggs lightly beaten, half cup plain flour (all-purpose flour). half cup Self-raising flour. 1 grated carrot. ground pepper to taste. Put all these ingredients in a bowl and stir till mixed. spoon balls of stuff in hot oil.; cook. These work well with greek yought, chive and garlic combine as a dip.

Our baby's birthday.

Becca is two. It has gone so fast. I can still remember Mr D by my side, and his first words as our little misfit was born. How I tried to hurry and felt so guilty because Mr D had a meeting he was suppose to attend that night. He told me nothing is more important than family. I saw that in the way that he looked a Rebecca that day. We now go through the terrible twos (and have been for awhile) in which she squeels so often in a way that goes straight through you. But she will always be our littliest princess.

Patience

How do you know when something is meant to be? On Monday I was awaiting surgery. A surgery that I have prayed about many times. A surgery I have waited nearly two years for. A surgery that the Drs now says that I have to have ASAP. Just as I was about to go into the surgical theatre they took my temperature again and said that I have a fever and I can't be operated on. Is that dumb or what? I know that the Surgeon was doing what is right, but I was left wondering if it is a sign that I should not go through with it at all. I think I sobbed for an hour. Today I woke up feeling like I have the flu. I think in this lifetime the thing that is my most important lesson is Patience; I just wish I could have it RIGHT NOW!

Surgery Monday

Well, the time has come. Surgery is scheduled for Monday. Surgery that frightens me. Surgery that I wish I could avoid. I can't help but think that after Monday I will be less of a person, a woman. If they do a hysterectomy the door will be closed forever. I have found myself thinking back to the times when I found out that I was pregnant with each and every one of my little blessings. The feeling of new, precious life growing inside of me. That is an experience that every woman should be blessed enough to have.

Speaking with our sweet neighbours the other day, I mentioned I would be going into hospital and I hoped they could help keep and eye on Mr D. I know he can handle the kids well; he is a wonderful Dad; but, I just wanted to know that there would be somebody there for him if he needs it. They asked about the surgery and if I was scared that it was cancer. I said I am not; strange, but I am not afraid of death. The idea of seeing my son, brother, Dad, Pop, Nana and Grandy leaves me feeling comforted. I am afraid of the pain. Waking from the operation to be met with incredible pain leaves me feeling like I should just cancel the surgery and endure to the end. I am thankful for each of my children. For the blessings of being a mom. For my husband and all that he does. I pray now from the strength to see my way through this and to love myself afterwards.

Family Birthday

Sometimes some habits never change. I took my mom out shopping on Friday because she has been sick and hasn't been out shopping in weeks. Mom decides to by banana's, white bread and heaps of frozen cheese burgers. As we are leaving she asks if I can stop at McDonald's where she brought herself some double cheese burgers. Last night we decide to take her out to a restaurant with the whole family for her 64th birthday (we also thought it might help cheer her up as she was just told she has emphysema because of her smoking :o( ). We order healthy food and she orders cheese burgers. So I guess no matter how much we love someone we always have our free agency.

Despite this it was a fun night. Richard came from Sydney with his partner, and Scarlett and her new partner came along; the only ones missing was James and his partner. Becca and Emily played on lots of games and had a great time. It was really nice to go out as a family. Happy birthday Mom; thank-you for bringing me to this earth and I hope you have many more happy years.

Going home

We picked up our tickets last night. We will be going "home" to California for our niece's wedding, Halloween, and Thanksgiving. Mr D is so stoked. It will be the first time Becky has been on a plane and the first time her Vo'Vo's (Grandparents) have seen her. I am sure she will charm them as much as she does us. Mr D told his mom and she is already planning to show us some houses in the neighbourhood that we can buy so we live there permenantly , (LOL; don't all mother-in-law's do that). I am going to focus on the good because I just got word that my surgery is scheduled for August 6th. So if I focus on the good the bad won't seem overwhelming, right?

Organizing

How much stuff do we collect??? How much do we think we need and never really use? I was fortunate enough to do my final year University project was on Domestic Squalor and Compulsive Hoarding and some of the things I found out really hit home. I was raised by loving parents who often fought over my mom's collecting of things. I am not refering to simple stamps or ornaments but rather stuff many of us would call junk. My parents divorced when I was 16, and after that point my mom's hoarding got worse. Endless boxes thoughout the house and clothes and junk. My mom now live in a retirement village and when we go to visit there is no where to sit because of the endless boxes, clothes and romance novels (we are talking nearly shoulder height). I have tried in the past to help my mom but it got us no where. I think that is why I love Mr D's organized life. If we don't use something we get rid of it. And when I think that perhaps we need to get extra clothing or toys to "just be prepared" Mr D just smiles and asks if we really need it. Although I must admit I do still get nervous when we have visitors I must admit our house is clean and organized. My bestfriend M.D is also super organized and always on time. Whilst she was here last week we were trading tips on habits we have for organizing our family/life. She loved the fact that I always fold sheet in a set and put them in a pillowcase so I just have to go to the cupboard and grab the pillowcase to make a bed. How do you keep things organized?

Job or no job?

I am not sure why; perhaps it was insecurity; Insecurity in my abilities; but today I went for a job interview. I just wanted to see if I still have what it takes to get a job (as I haven't worked since before Becky was born two years ago).It was a community organisation and they are offering over $50,000 (starting salary)but they want someone full-time. They seemed very interested in me and they asked me to come in for the interview just 20 minutes after I emailed them my application. I walked out of the interview and decided I didn't want the job. I guess I am enjoying being a mom right now.Is that dumb? I realise that us both working would make us economically better off, but am left wondering what it would cost our family. It's school holidays here now. And it is nice to just have the family around.James came home for 2 weeks from university. It was good to see him; I don't think any of the kids realise how much I miss them when they are gone. Richard is suppose to be coming down next weekend for Nanna's 64th birthday.We are planning on taking her out to a restraurant. Last week I had my best friend from High School come and stay here with two of her kids. My friend and I have known each other since we were 13 years old and she is the one that I trust with most of my lifes secrets.She is the one I have turned to each tiime I have experienced trouble. For just a few days we were able to just go out and chat and be ourselves. That felt good. I think I need to get more time like that.

Mr D's new job

Mr D has always been a computer geek. Anything technical and he is on it. He worked in the Silicon Valley and he worked with weapons guidence system for the U.S in Iraq (I bagged him out about that one). Recently he decided to take a career change. A pay cut and He decided to "give back". Mr D has accepted a job working as a supervisor with disabled people who are re-making bikes for the community. I was shocked. Throughout the years Mr D has said that as a community worker I am a bleeding heart. I am the type of person who has always brought the strays home, and wondered what cause I could help with next. Once again he is the one that teaches me lessons. He is the one the kids will wake in the middle of the night. He is the one who will take us all on a mystery adventure. He will listen to my crazy ideas; laugh, and then rationally explain why it couldn't possibly work. He is usually the first one up in the morning & often the last in bed a night. He is the athletic one who challenges me when I get lazy. He loves music, that most wouldn't even understand. He is not afraid to cry; like when our dog Raider had to be put down. He will wear a tie to church even when he hates ties. He is usually always on time. He plans things in advance; even to the point of laying out his clothes the night before. His clothing cupboard is perfect; even color co-ordinated. He eats vegetarian food, despite being raised a meat eater. He texts me for no reason. He stands up at the table until I sit down when we go out to eat. He will open a door for me. He moved half way around the world for me. He is full of suprises and I love him. I don't know how his first day will go today, but I know I am in awe of him. Thank-you Mr D for being a great husband, father and friend. And Happy U.S Father's Day

Poverty in our city

As I walked out of the Mall pushing my shopping and racing to pick up the children, I noticed a woman (in her twenties)sobbing with a small child on her hip. She was talking with a man who looked like he had stopped to ask her what her problem was. The thought crossed my mind that I should help her. I have often seen people in need & I am sorry to saw; I pause....& think too much before helping. Mr D is the complete opposite. I remember when we were dating, we were all dressed up nicely to go out to eat in Sydney and as we walked toward the restruant a motorcyclist came off his turning bike in the middle of the intersection. The road was busy, but Mr D didn't pause. He ran out straight onto the road and assisted the rider. As the biker stood he toward over Mr D & the bike was huge. The biker & Mr D stuggled to lift the heavy bike, but they worked together & the cyclist was on his way. I paused. I didn't help. Would the biker want my help? Would I be in the road? All my doubts stopped me helping. I turned back to help the woman, & she was gone. Once again I thought, I had waited too long. I should have just helped. After packing the groceries away in my car I looked up & saw this woman approaching another person. She seemed very hesitent to approach anyone. I decided to stop thinking & just act. I went to her & asked if I could help. She explained that her partner had left them on the weekend & had cleared out their bank account. She had only found out when she had gone with her daughter to buy groceries & there wasn't a cent left in their account. I asked if she had gone to the local welfare groups as I could take her there if she needed. She said that they had but help would be a day or so away. Her little daughter looked to be about 3 years old. She looked well looked after & saddened by her mothers problems. As we spoke she told her mom that she was hungry. I felt that all I could do was to hand her some money. She seemed surprised that I handed her $20 insted of small change. But, I remember being in similar situations when my first marriage ended. No I didn't beg; but I was overwhelmed & we were left with no money, most of our furniture gone & no food. I wished I could have done more. I pray that this family is taken care of. Amen.

A cute message

Last night as I sat in bed. I really felt that I should contact my eldest children; Richard, James & Scarlett. I try not to pester them & contact them every day or even every week. They are growing up so fast & they seem to be on their own journies, so to have mom contacting them all the time would probably just bother them. I sent them messages & although I only heard back from James it made my night. He sent me this link He said it reminded him of me. I always dreamed of working with communities like this. That is one of the main reasons I originally studied nursing. I love my kids!!

A wake up call

Sometimes when we focus on one thing we get distracted by other things. I have really been trying to focus on renovating and motherhood, whilst not keeping a promise to Mr D. Awhile ago I promised him that I would focus on my health. This is something I like to avoid. When everything seemed too much with study and life I agreed to slow down. I thought that magically things would go back to really wonderful. I have had nine preganancies in my life (including a miscarriage and a neonatal death), three brain tumors and endless other health problems that others get (such as tonsilitis, appendicitice, allergies etc). After we had little Becky, nearly two years ago, I noticed I wasn't recoving as quickly as I thought I should. I went to the the Dr several times. Medications were prescribed to stop the endless bleeding. A D&C was done. Nothing has worked. Prior to falling pregnant with Becky I had been forced to have annual pap smears because of irregularities. I had thought nothing of it. When I casually brought this up with my sister after Becky was born I found out that she had been treated for uterine cancer just a few years ago. I mentioned this to my Dr and she referred me to a specialist. The medical system is overloaded here and I only just got in to see him about a month ago. His news wasn't good. The type that my sister has is predominently genetic. He can't tell me if I have it without a biopsy. He recommended that at the time of the biopsy, that I have either laser surgery to remove the lining of my uterus or a hysterectomy. The laser surgery won't prevent a growth in the future.I asked for time to think about it. Last week I finally found the strength to share this with Mr D. He was shocked, but supportive. He asked if he could come to the speek with the surgeon as well. We dragged little Becky along and tried to find the answers. I guess there are no concrete answers at this time. I have agreed to undergo the biopsy and to follow up with a hysterectomy if they discover anything. The surgeon said it will probably be about July/August before the hospital can fit me in. In the mean time I wait, & pray. I think I am more threatened with the realisation that Mr D & I will never have another little one. Crazy, I know. I have loved this experience with him and I love my family so much. I am still acting like there in nothing wrong to all my friends, and I will still go on being me. I just felt it was time I actually shared it and stopped denying it to myself.

Renovating

I am a hopeless Librian. I am romantic. Sentimental. Equalitarian and most annoyingly indecisive. We moved just over a year ago into a beautiful (but still full of potential)house that we are slowly trying to make into a home. Recently we decided to change the look of the house by ridding ourselves of annoying curtains that seemed to attract dust and put up venetian blinds. This has made the whole house look much more lightfilled and inviting. I especially like the white wood blinds. Mr D started taking down the shabby fencing and adding my white picket fence (I always dreamed of a home with a white picket fence). Then two weeks ago I made a comment about how crowded our room was with our large but beautiful wooden bed.The bed had been our first ever brand new bed and it had come from my Nanna (so it held alot of sentimental value- to me anyway)

Mr D agreed that it was crowding our room and suggested that we sell it. We advertised it, two bedside draws and a dressing table on a local internet site. It was sold (sight unseen) in just 44 minutes. The last few days we have been sleeping on the floor whilst we wait for a bed Mr D ordered to arrive.

Today we went and found a earth tone paint and Mr D is painting our room. I hope I like it. I hate changes. Will it be too much of his style and not my style? I guess only time will tell.

The weather has started to get cold already. It feels like winter is going to be freezing. I haven't wanted to get out much. Possibly because we are trying to redecorate and are sleeping on the floor whilst it happens, or partially because Mr D hasn't been in the best of spirits lately. So today I decided to give him the day off. I took Miss Becky out for the morning. She had a ball. It was good to be out, just the two of us.