Our baby's birthday.

Becca is two. It has gone so fast. I can still remember Mr D by my side, and his first words as our little misfit was born. How I tried to hurry and felt so guilty because Mr D had a meeting he was suppose to attend that night. He told me nothing is more important than family. I saw that in the way that he looked a Rebecca that day. We now go through the terrible twos (and have been for awhile) in which she squeels so often in a way that goes straight through you. But she will always be our littliest princess.

Patience

How do you know when something is meant to be? On Monday I was awaiting surgery. A surgery that I have prayed about many times. A surgery I have waited nearly two years for. A surgery that the Drs now says that I have to have ASAP. Just as I was about to go into the surgical theatre they took my temperature again and said that I have a fever and I can't be operated on. Is that dumb or what? I know that the Surgeon was doing what is right, but I was left wondering if it is a sign that I should not go through with it at all. I think I sobbed for an hour. Today I woke up feeling like I have the flu. I think in this lifetime the thing that is my most important lesson is Patience; I just wish I could have it RIGHT NOW!

Surgery Monday

Well, the time has come. Surgery is scheduled for Monday. Surgery that frightens me. Surgery that I wish I could avoid. I can't help but think that after Monday I will be less of a person, a woman. If they do a hysterectomy the door will be closed forever. I have found myself thinking back to the times when I found out that I was pregnant with each and every one of my little blessings. The feeling of new, precious life growing inside of me. That is an experience that every woman should be blessed enough to have.

Speaking with our sweet neighbours the other day, I mentioned I would be going into hospital and I hoped they could help keep and eye on Mr D. I know he can handle the kids well; he is a wonderful Dad; but, I just wanted to know that there would be somebody there for him if he needs it. They asked about the surgery and if I was scared that it was cancer. I said I am not; strange, but I am not afraid of death. The idea of seeing my son, brother, Dad, Pop, Nana and Grandy leaves me feeling comforted. I am afraid of the pain. Waking from the operation to be met with incredible pain leaves me feeling like I should just cancel the surgery and endure to the end. I am thankful for each of my children. For the blessings of being a mom. For my husband and all that he does. I pray now from the strength to see my way through this and to love myself afterwards.

Family Birthday

Sometimes some habits never change. I took my mom out shopping on Friday because she has been sick and hasn't been out shopping in weeks. Mom decides to by banana's, white bread and heaps of frozen cheese burgers. As we are leaving she asks if I can stop at McDonald's where she brought herself some double cheese burgers. Last night we decide to take her out to a restaurant with the whole family for her 64th birthday (we also thought it might help cheer her up as she was just told she has emphysema because of her smoking :o( ). We order healthy food and she orders cheese burgers. So I guess no matter how much we love someone we always have our free agency.

Despite this it was a fun night. Richard came from Sydney with his partner, and Scarlett and her new partner came along; the only ones missing was James and his partner. Becca and Emily played on lots of games and had a great time. It was really nice to go out as a family. Happy birthday Mom; thank-you for bringing me to this earth and I hope you have many more happy years.

Going home

We picked up our tickets last night. We will be going "home" to California for our niece's wedding, Halloween, and Thanksgiving. Mr D is so stoked. It will be the first time Becky has been on a plane and the first time her Vo'Vo's (Grandparents) have seen her. I am sure she will charm them as much as she does us. Mr D told his mom and she is already planning to show us some houses in the neighbourhood that we can buy so we live there permenantly , (LOL; don't all mother-in-law's do that). I am going to focus on the good because I just got word that my surgery is scheduled for August 6th. So if I focus on the good the bad won't seem overwhelming, right?

Organizing

How much stuff do we collect??? How much do we think we need and never really use? I was fortunate enough to do my final year University project was on Domestic Squalor and Compulsive Hoarding and some of the things I found out really hit home. I was raised by loving parents who often fought over my mom's collecting of things. I am not refering to simple stamps or ornaments but rather stuff many of us would call junk. My parents divorced when I was 16, and after that point my mom's hoarding got worse. Endless boxes thoughout the house and clothes and junk. My mom now live in a retirement village and when we go to visit there is no where to sit because of the endless boxes, clothes and romance novels (we are talking nearly shoulder height). I have tried in the past to help my mom but it got us no where. I think that is why I love Mr D's organized life. If we don't use something we get rid of it. And when I think that perhaps we need to get extra clothing or toys to "just be prepared" Mr D just smiles and asks if we really need it. Although I must admit I do still get nervous when we have visitors I must admit our house is clean and organized. My bestfriend M.D is also super organized and always on time. Whilst she was here last week we were trading tips on habits we have for organizing our family/life. She loved the fact that I always fold sheet in a set and put them in a pillowcase so I just have to go to the cupboard and grab the pillowcase to make a bed. How do you keep things organized?

Job or no job?

I am not sure why; perhaps it was insecurity; Insecurity in my abilities; but today I went for a job interview. I just wanted to see if I still have what it takes to get a job (as I haven't worked since before Becky was born two years ago).It was a community organisation and they are offering over $50,000 (starting salary)but they want someone full-time. They seemed very interested in me and they asked me to come in for the interview just 20 minutes after I emailed them my application. I walked out of the interview and decided I didn't want the job. I guess I am enjoying being a mom right now.Is that dumb? I realise that us both working would make us economically better off, but am left wondering what it would cost our family. It's school holidays here now. And it is nice to just have the family around.James came home for 2 weeks from university. It was good to see him; I don't think any of the kids realise how much I miss them when they are gone. Richard is suppose to be coming down next weekend for Nanna's 64th birthday.We are planning on taking her out to a restraurant. Last week I had my best friend from High School come and stay here with two of her kids. My friend and I have known each other since we were 13 years old and she is the one that I trust with most of my lifes secrets.She is the one I have turned to each tiime I have experienced trouble. For just a few days we were able to just go out and chat and be ourselves. That felt good. I think I need to get more time like that.