A wake up call

Sometimes when we focus on one thing we get distracted by other things. I have really been trying to focus on renovating and motherhood, whilst not keeping a promise to Mr D. Awhile ago I promised him that I would focus on my health. This is something I like to avoid. When everything seemed too much with study and life I agreed to slow down. I thought that magically things would go back to really wonderful. I have had nine preganancies in my life (including a miscarriage and a neonatal death), three brain tumors and endless other health problems that others get (such as tonsilitis, appendicitice, allergies etc). After we had little Becky, nearly two years ago, I noticed I wasn't recoving as quickly as I thought I should. I went to the the Dr several times. Medications were prescribed to stop the endless bleeding. A D&C was done. Nothing has worked. Prior to falling pregnant with Becky I had been forced to have annual pap smears because of irregularities. I had thought nothing of it. When I casually brought this up with my sister after Becky was born I found out that she had been treated for uterine cancer just a few years ago. I mentioned this to my Dr and she referred me to a specialist. The medical system is overloaded here and I only just got in to see him about a month ago. His news wasn't good. The type that my sister has is predominently genetic. He can't tell me if I have it without a biopsy. He recommended that at the time of the biopsy, that I have either laser surgery to remove the lining of my uterus or a hysterectomy. The laser surgery won't prevent a growth in the future.I asked for time to think about it. Last week I finally found the strength to share this with Mr D. He was shocked, but supportive. He asked if he could come to the speek with the surgeon as well. We dragged little Becky along and tried to find the answers. I guess there are no concrete answers at this time. I have agreed to undergo the biopsy and to follow up with a hysterectomy if they discover anything. The surgeon said it will probably be about July/August before the hospital can fit me in. In the mean time I wait, & pray. I think I am more threatened with the realisation that Mr D & I will never have another little one. Crazy, I know. I have loved this experience with him and I love my family so much. I am still acting like there in nothing wrong to all my friends, and I will still go on being me. I just felt it was time I actually shared it and stopped denying it to myself.