We are not even through the first month of 2012 and already it seems like I can't help but count my blessings. Sure, like Christmas there are times when I can't help but scream with frustration with the tribes behaviour. In the past week these have included;
-they are still on school holidays for another week and although I love them dearly; they can drive anyone nuts!!!
-Becky is teething and seems to want us to by her side continually
-Caitlyn can walk out of a Fun Park or movie theatre and say with a sigh how bored she is
-Emily decided to remove all of Mr D's tiny chillis from the plant
-and Mr D has his moments when he seems overwhelmed with all that he is facing).
But mostly I am so very thankful for all that we have.
Mr D went out and brought me a "soccer mom" car. It's a beautiful second hand Mazda MPV automatic. I remember years ago when Mr D moved over here and we were looking for a car I listed that as my dream car. Sometimes he suprises me with what he remembers.
The other day I was reading a fellow Bloggers blog and was reminded that we are all on seperate journies and I should count my many blessings.
I often read Naomi Ellis blog at http://www.sevencherubs.com . Anyother mom with seven children deserves to have hats taken off to them. The thing that I am learning more and more is that blogging is also a community that can support one another through thick and thin. Naomi mentioned a fellow Lds blogger that has just come into one of the hardest times of her life. Four months ago Lisa lost her beautiful son and on Australia Day she suddenly lost her husband.Her blog is;http://lisajking.blogspot.com/ and donations can be made through
http://www.mycause.com.au/mycause/raise_money/fundraise.php?id=50028
I am so blessed at the moment. I am thankful for Mr D and all of the tribe. I am thankful that I was able to get through a University Degree whilst still being a mom. I am thankful for all that I have.
Saturday 28 January 2012
Wednesday 18 January 2012
Counting Blessings
I am impatient. I am a perfectionist. And lately these to things have been coloring my life.
Since I submitted my assignment I have been watching and watching and watching my University web site to see if I would be good enough to pass. If God would grant this miracle. I have lost count (after about 30 times each day) about how many times I would log on, see nothing was there, bag myself out and try to focus on other stuff in my life this past two weeks. Mr D has been so encouraging and has tried to get me to have patients, but my stubborn pigheadedness has made it hard. Finally yesterday I decided to try to just let it be.
We just heard that our car has been written off by our insurance company because they undervalue our car. Four years ago we struggled to get a loan, and with much prayer we were granted the opportunity to get a loan for a family car. The car was over $10,000 and interest rates were high so we paid it off in a little over a year. We kept up the care of that car and had it fully insured. The insurance company contacted me yesterday to say that they were going to write off the vehicle because repairs were going to cost more than $5500 and that they value the car at less than $5000. Is that nuts?? How can car insurance companies do this?? The world did seem like a tough place yesterday.
All this time, we tried to have faith; we just wanted Heavenly Father to do it in our time.
I saw this this morning;
Maybe this is the message I was meant to see. I decided to let Heavenly Father do it in his time. As I decided this, we found a car (and the money to pay cash)that we will look at this afternoon. I also just recieved an email from my lecturer stating that she has maked my final paper. I have been given a Distinction.
Maybe it is time that I remember D&C 84: 81 and 88 which said; “Therefore, take ye no thought for the morrow, for what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, or wherewithal ye shall be clothed . . . for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”
We are blessed.
Since I submitted my assignment I have been watching and watching and watching my University web site to see if I would be good enough to pass. If God would grant this miracle. I have lost count (after about 30 times each day) about how many times I would log on, see nothing was there, bag myself out and try to focus on other stuff in my life this past two weeks. Mr D has been so encouraging and has tried to get me to have patients, but my stubborn pigheadedness has made it hard. Finally yesterday I decided to try to just let it be.
We just heard that our car has been written off by our insurance company because they undervalue our car. Four years ago we struggled to get a loan, and with much prayer we were granted the opportunity to get a loan for a family car. The car was over $10,000 and interest rates were high so we paid it off in a little over a year. We kept up the care of that car and had it fully insured. The insurance company contacted me yesterday to say that they were going to write off the vehicle because repairs were going to cost more than $5500 and that they value the car at less than $5000. Is that nuts?? How can car insurance companies do this?? The world did seem like a tough place yesterday.
All this time, we tried to have faith; we just wanted Heavenly Father to do it in our time.
I saw this this morning;
Maybe this is the message I was meant to see. I decided to let Heavenly Father do it in his time. As I decided this, we found a car (and the money to pay cash)that we will look at this afternoon. I also just recieved an email from my lecturer stating that she has maked my final paper. I have been given a Distinction.
Maybe it is time that I remember D&C 84: 81 and 88 which said; “Therefore, take ye no thought for the morrow, for what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, or wherewithal ye shall be clothed . . . for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”
We are blessed.
Saturday 14 January 2012
Lessons in life
Sometimes we get taught lessons when we least expect it. The last week has been a week full of lessons for me.
Mr D managed to get the test results back and it looks like a disease called Sarcoidosis. Although I found this a bit of a shock I am feeling comforted by both Mr D's positive attitude and the feeling that God is not far from us. Mr D wants to fight this condition with a positive attitude, medical help and a life style change. So we are trying to eat alot better and to make better lifestyle choices.
Last Monday we decided to just up and go across to the coast for the day. I was so happy that we could (I love just grabbing things at the spur of the moment and taking off away from our everyday problems). We headed across to the Bay and had a beautiful day. The kids love the beach and Becky has no fear. She would chase the waves with pure delight. The carnival was on again and we decided to go when it got dark. The smell of the sea air and the joy on the kids faces was priceless. It was after 10pm when we headed back home. I hit a kangaroo about an hour from home and the car wouldn't start up again. The kangaroo wasn't huge but it managed to do significant damage to the front of the car. We had to have it towed back home and I had to call Scarlett and her partner to come and get the rest of us.
As we drove back home Emily chatted with Scarlett about all the excitment of the carnival rides, and I just watched. It suddenly hit me that my eldest daughter (who turned 18 two days after this) was all grown up. Scarlett is head-strong and determined; so much so, she moved out of home about 18 months ago. My mother has encouraged her wayward behaviour (but that is another story) and Scarlett lives with my mother (some of the time)and her boyfriend (the rest of the time). However, for the first time since she has moved out I actually looked "at Scarlett". I may not approve of her lifestyle choices but she is still my daughter and I love her with all my heart. I saw myself at 20 (when I married her father). Although we were married we still acted like kids, we traveled alot and he was the center of my universe (just like I saw in Scarlett and her partner). I guess these are the lessons we learn in life; we have the freedom to choose and it is up to us what we make of our lives. Scarlett sat there, obviously head over heals in love with her partner; but still loving her family enough to come out after midnight, drive miles and miles to come and help us out. I couldn't help but look at her with pride.
Today is also my eldest son, Richard's birthday. He turns 21 today. Time has gone by so fast. I still rememeber watching the video "Pretty Woman" the night before he was born, as I started to go into labor. I wondered what life would offer him. Where would he be in the years to come? Once again I can't help but thank Our Heavenly Father for my many many blessings and my beautiful family. I am so glad that families can be together forever.
Mr D managed to get the test results back and it looks like a disease called Sarcoidosis. Although I found this a bit of a shock I am feeling comforted by both Mr D's positive attitude and the feeling that God is not far from us. Mr D wants to fight this condition with a positive attitude, medical help and a life style change. So we are trying to eat alot better and to make better lifestyle choices.
Last Monday we decided to just up and go across to the coast for the day. I was so happy that we could (I love just grabbing things at the spur of the moment and taking off away from our everyday problems). We headed across to the Bay and had a beautiful day. The kids love the beach and Becky has no fear. She would chase the waves with pure delight. The carnival was on again and we decided to go when it got dark. The smell of the sea air and the joy on the kids faces was priceless. It was after 10pm when we headed back home. I hit a kangaroo about an hour from home and the car wouldn't start up again. The kangaroo wasn't huge but it managed to do significant damage to the front of the car. We had to have it towed back home and I had to call Scarlett and her partner to come and get the rest of us.
As we drove back home Emily chatted with Scarlett about all the excitment of the carnival rides, and I just watched. It suddenly hit me that my eldest daughter (who turned 18 two days after this) was all grown up. Scarlett is head-strong and determined; so much so, she moved out of home about 18 months ago. My mother has encouraged her wayward behaviour (but that is another story) and Scarlett lives with my mother (some of the time)and her boyfriend (the rest of the time). However, for the first time since she has moved out I actually looked "at Scarlett". I may not approve of her lifestyle choices but she is still my daughter and I love her with all my heart. I saw myself at 20 (when I married her father). Although we were married we still acted like kids, we traveled alot and he was the center of my universe (just like I saw in Scarlett and her partner). I guess these are the lessons we learn in life; we have the freedom to choose and it is up to us what we make of our lives. Scarlett sat there, obviously head over heals in love with her partner; but still loving her family enough to come out after midnight, drive miles and miles to come and help us out. I couldn't help but look at her with pride.
Today is also my eldest son, Richard's birthday. He turns 21 today. Time has gone by so fast. I still rememeber watching the video "Pretty Woman" the night before he was born, as I started to go into labor. I wondered what life would offer him. Where would he be in the years to come? Once again I can't help but thank Our Heavenly Father for my many many blessings and my beautiful family. I am so glad that families can be together forever.
Friday 6 January 2012
Mr D
I am still on somewhat of a high since I managed to submit that final assignment. I honestly felt it was impossible. I haven't heard back from my lecturer to even say that she has recieved it, so already I am finding the negative voices in my head saying; "you know she won't accept it", "you should have written that section differently" or "will I even pass"? I need to snap out of it and think possitively.
The day before yesterday my husband, Mr D, managed to go to see our family Dr. He hads had swollen ankles since the day before christmas, and with his blood pressure problems I was worried. The Dr is unsure of what he has and is doing endless tests. I went to see her yesterday (for something completely different) and she cautioned me that Mr D is in for the long haul (till he gets better) and that she is refering him on to a specialist. He is still in a relatively positive mood, despite feeling exhusted. I pray that things get better and that the Lord won't remove him from my life for a long, long time. It seems that most of the men in my life the Lord has other purposes for and removes them one by one (my brother, my Grandy, my son,my Dad,and my Pop have all been taken from me and each time it has felt like I have lost alittle bit of me with them). I don't think I could handle another loss. Mr D says that I shouldn't worry but I can't help it. As we have talked today told I have found myself watching him more closely; watching the smile in his eyes and the cute frown he gets when he doesn't understand what it is that I am saying :o). He is my soul mate; the man that I would like to spend eternity with. He is one of the many blessings that I have in my life.
The day before yesterday my husband, Mr D, managed to go to see our family Dr. He hads had swollen ankles since the day before christmas, and with his blood pressure problems I was worried. The Dr is unsure of what he has and is doing endless tests. I went to see her yesterday (for something completely different) and she cautioned me that Mr D is in for the long haul (till he gets better) and that she is refering him on to a specialist. He is still in a relatively positive mood, despite feeling exhusted. I pray that things get better and that the Lord won't remove him from my life for a long, long time. It seems that most of the men in my life the Lord has other purposes for and removes them one by one (my brother, my Grandy, my son,my Dad,and my Pop have all been taken from me and each time it has felt like I have lost alittle bit of me with them). I don't think I could handle another loss. Mr D says that I shouldn't worry but I can't help it. As we have talked today told I have found myself watching him more closely; watching the smile in his eyes and the cute frown he gets when he doesn't understand what it is that I am saying :o). He is my soul mate; the man that I would like to spend eternity with. He is one of the many blessings that I have in my life.
Tuesday 3 January 2012
Seize the day!
I must admit I often try things, do very well at things and then find myself overcome with the fear of failure to the point where I do fail significantly. Once when I was in year 10 at High School I was about to take an accounting exam. Up until this point accounting had been a walk in the park for me. My teacher even joked with me saying that the exam meant nothing to me as my class mark to this point was 98%; he said that even if I bombed out I would cruise through with at least a B for the subject. Suddenly I found myself overcome with a fear that I would be able to achieve the grade that was expected of me and I went in to that exam and froze. Soon after we sat at our desks I found that my fear beacme so powerful that I became blind. I could discern light from darkness and colors in that general area but I was unable to even see me pencil. This continued throughout the whole exam and for an hour afterwards. This caused a problem as the exam was held on the top floor of our school so I had to feel my way down the staircase to get outside. I felt like such an idiot. My exam paper had been left without a mark on it. And my teacher told me that he was extremely disappointed in me and assumed that I failed to fill in my paper because I was being arrogent.
Although I was never over come with temporary blindness again similar experiences happened often happened throughout University. Upon graduating High School I was accepted to do a Law Degree at the top University in Australia and my mother forced me to do nursing because "real Mormon women only need careers that will carry you over until you get married." When I did attend University to do a Nursing Degree my grades were always in the top two students in the class. By the end of the first year I was sitting on straight A's. On the day of the final exam I was involved in a car accident and forced to go home to recouporate over the summer break. When I returned to sit that final first year exam I froze and terms that I was completely familiar with elluded me. I left that exam room and went straight back to my home town and marriedthe first RM who asked me.
I tried to finish this degree on a number of occasion and each time I was met with health problems (primarily pregnancy problems or a brain tumor). When I divorced I tried to gain a Law Degree but found that I always felt guilty that I was leaving the children in childcare or with their nanna so I quit again after the first year. I married again and I started a Psychology degree which I left after I fell pregnant again (our miricle baby because the Dr told us we would not be able to have another baby.)During the pregnancy I took up studying International relations, but a University mistake left me out of the course after taking a semester off.
By this point I felt that I was a jack of all trades and a master of none. I decided to give it one last chance at achieving my dream; to get a University Degree and I attempted to enroll in a teaching degree. To cut a long story short the course was full, but I was able to attend if I enrolled in another degree and just signed up for each of the teaching subjects (then I could transfer over after the first year). No problem, I thought.
I found a Bachelor of Community Education Degree in the same faculty and applied to attend. I was honest during my interview and explained that I was just enrolling so I could transfer accross to teaching at the end of the year. The Course co-ordinator agreed to enroll me if I just took the Bachelor of Community Education subjects for the first term. With a smile on her face she agreed to sign the transfer papers after one semester if I would just give this degree "my all" for one semester. A walk in the park I thought. So I signed up and commence the Bachelor of Education. I stumbled (because my 3 month old baby was very ill after a traumatic birth) and took the first semester off. I started again the very next semester (with an overwhelming fear that I would just quit again). I desided to try to look at this degree differently. It wasn't a 3 year degree; it was one semester at a time. I convinced myself that the degree was just a series of courses that I was doing for one semester. My grades were wonderful and I was accepted into the Honor Society after just one year. I was the first one in my Degree to achieve this in the first year. Everybody praised me and told me how lucky and talented I was. Everybody, except me. Internally I told myself that it was just luck; that I would freeze again; or that it was just a mistake. I convinced myself that I was worthless. As each semester past the fear intensified. I was a mom to 6 children at that stage, attending University full time and working three days a week. The more I took on; the more I tried to sabotage my success. Things did stumble even further when I was harrassed at work. I quit my job and was afraid to leave my room for weeks. My lectures allowed the late submission of my work and I continued on at Uni until I found that these feelings of worthlessness had been intensified when I was verbally abused at work. This all occured during what was to be my final year of Uni and I withdrew from all but one subject. The next year (2010)I tried to undertake my final subjects (a placement) and I found it difficult to feel confident enough to be able to communicate with my supervisor. And when I did try to communicate he often misunderstood what I meant and became offended. He withdrew from his role of supervisor just two months before my project ended (as I was pregnant again and he felt that I should be focused on just staying at home with the children. John had left his job at this time to be a full time Dad for our children to give me the opportunity to complete my degree, so I felt that for two months I would be able to juggle the load.) At this time I was down to my final subject and I became very sick with problems with my tumor and a virus that I contracted just after the birth of our last child. I didn't have a supervisor, I was ill and I convinced myself the race was over.
It was at this point that I was lucky enough to attend a Time out For Women Sydney seminar. Laurel Christenson spoke with such passion on the subject of giving up and quitting. I was inspired by each and every word that Laurel shared.I left that seminar feeling that I could take on the world. Although it has taken me nearly 5 months; I have plodded along trying to meet this goal. My health problems have continued to worsen (although I must wonder if stress is playing a part in this struggle?). A friend from church has suffered from Chronic Fatigue (like I have at the moment, coupled with another unrelated tumor that I must wait for surgery on) and she inspired me to take things one day at a time and not beat up on myself (Thanks, Lauren).
Today I finished that final project (all 20,480 words plus 14 Appendices of it!) I have managed to finish a race that I normally withdraw from. I seized the day and it feels FANTASTIC. I am exhusted from pulling an all-nighter and not sleeping for the past 40 hours, but I don't have to hide anymore; I don't have that project looming over my head. Whatever the future brings I have completed a Degree that I never dreamed that I had the stamina to finish. Even if the lecturer refuses to accept it, because of its lateness (I have medical certificates); I HAVE finished this race!!! One day, I will be up there speaking as a motivational speaker.
Although I was never over come with temporary blindness again similar experiences happened often happened throughout University. Upon graduating High School I was accepted to do a Law Degree at the top University in Australia and my mother forced me to do nursing because "real Mormon women only need careers that will carry you over until you get married." When I did attend University to do a Nursing Degree my grades were always in the top two students in the class. By the end of the first year I was sitting on straight A's. On the day of the final exam I was involved in a car accident and forced to go home to recouporate over the summer break. When I returned to sit that final first year exam I froze and terms that I was completely familiar with elluded me. I left that exam room and went straight back to my home town and marriedthe first RM who asked me.
I tried to finish this degree on a number of occasion and each time I was met with health problems (primarily pregnancy problems or a brain tumor). When I divorced I tried to gain a Law Degree but found that I always felt guilty that I was leaving the children in childcare or with their nanna so I quit again after the first year. I married again and I started a Psychology degree which I left after I fell pregnant again (our miricle baby because the Dr told us we would not be able to have another baby.)During the pregnancy I took up studying International relations, but a University mistake left me out of the course after taking a semester off.
By this point I felt that I was a jack of all trades and a master of none. I decided to give it one last chance at achieving my dream; to get a University Degree and I attempted to enroll in a teaching degree. To cut a long story short the course was full, but I was able to attend if I enrolled in another degree and just signed up for each of the teaching subjects (then I could transfer over after the first year). No problem, I thought.
I found a Bachelor of Community Education Degree in the same faculty and applied to attend. I was honest during my interview and explained that I was just enrolling so I could transfer accross to teaching at the end of the year. The Course co-ordinator agreed to enroll me if I just took the Bachelor of Community Education subjects for the first term. With a smile on her face she agreed to sign the transfer papers after one semester if I would just give this degree "my all" for one semester. A walk in the park I thought. So I signed up and commence the Bachelor of Education. I stumbled (because my 3 month old baby was very ill after a traumatic birth) and took the first semester off. I started again the very next semester (with an overwhelming fear that I would just quit again). I desided to try to look at this degree differently. It wasn't a 3 year degree; it was one semester at a time. I convinced myself that the degree was just a series of courses that I was doing for one semester. My grades were wonderful and I was accepted into the Honor Society after just one year. I was the first one in my Degree to achieve this in the first year. Everybody praised me and told me how lucky and talented I was. Everybody, except me. Internally I told myself that it was just luck; that I would freeze again; or that it was just a mistake. I convinced myself that I was worthless. As each semester past the fear intensified. I was a mom to 6 children at that stage, attending University full time and working three days a week. The more I took on; the more I tried to sabotage my success. Things did stumble even further when I was harrassed at work. I quit my job and was afraid to leave my room for weeks. My lectures allowed the late submission of my work and I continued on at Uni until I found that these feelings of worthlessness had been intensified when I was verbally abused at work. This all occured during what was to be my final year of Uni and I withdrew from all but one subject. The next year (2010)I tried to undertake my final subjects (a placement) and I found it difficult to feel confident enough to be able to communicate with my supervisor. And when I did try to communicate he often misunderstood what I meant and became offended. He withdrew from his role of supervisor just two months before my project ended (as I was pregnant again and he felt that I should be focused on just staying at home with the children. John had left his job at this time to be a full time Dad for our children to give me the opportunity to complete my degree, so I felt that for two months I would be able to juggle the load.) At this time I was down to my final subject and I became very sick with problems with my tumor and a virus that I contracted just after the birth of our last child. I didn't have a supervisor, I was ill and I convinced myself the race was over.
It was at this point that I was lucky enough to attend a Time out For Women Sydney seminar. Laurel Christenson spoke with such passion on the subject of giving up and quitting. I was inspired by each and every word that Laurel shared.I left that seminar feeling that I could take on the world. Although it has taken me nearly 5 months; I have plodded along trying to meet this goal. My health problems have continued to worsen (although I must wonder if stress is playing a part in this struggle?). A friend from church has suffered from Chronic Fatigue (like I have at the moment, coupled with another unrelated tumor that I must wait for surgery on) and she inspired me to take things one day at a time and not beat up on myself (Thanks, Lauren).
Today I finished that final project (all 20,480 words plus 14 Appendices of it!) I have managed to finish a race that I normally withdraw from. I seized the day and it feels FANTASTIC. I am exhusted from pulling an all-nighter and not sleeping for the past 40 hours, but I don't have to hide anymore; I don't have that project looming over my head. Whatever the future brings I have completed a Degree that I never dreamed that I had the stamina to finish. Even if the lecturer refuses to accept it, because of its lateness (I have medical certificates); I HAVE finished this race!!! One day, I will be up there speaking as a motivational speaker.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)