Groundhog Day

Have you ever had a time when life seems to be just like this movie? Each day starts at exactly the same time. The kids get up at the same time. They argue over breakfast (who is having what). They argue scream and fight over the littlest things. Your husband and you barely seem to be doing anything else other than functioning.
That is exactly what it feels like for me right now. Mr D and I are so frustrated over Emily's behavior. Emily can be so sweet one minute and then turn into a little rat the next. This week we have drawn on walls; flooded the school toilets; lost two drink bottles, a lunch box, a hat and an icepack at school; wet the bed (and her room); bit her sister, and the list goes on. Not bad for a 6 year old?? We have taken her to the Drs, the psychologist, the school counsellor and we have been asked to take her to the Pediatrician. Mr D thinks there must be a reason behind her challenging behavior; I think she is just spoilt.
Although I know every child can be challenging; I have never felt so frustrated in trying to get through to one of my children.
The rest of the week hasn't been too bad. I am preparing to start back at University next Wednesday. The others are all settling in back at school ok (finally). Caity even made a friend that she met whilst trying to save an ant from a basketball court (lol). Her new friend is in all her classes and hates Justin Beiber, loves Manga and is a vegetarian just like Caity. (what a sigh of relief).
Now to break from what is feeling like a Groundhog Day??!?? How to break that repetitive cycle of everyday life?

I love…

books.

Rain.

Babies.

West Side Story.

Marlboro Man’s goatee.

Travelling across the world.

Dry humor.

Slapstick humor.

Friday evening.

Casey Affleck.

The beach.

Mountains.

Prairie.

Abstract art.

Jeans.

Gone With the Wind.

Oprah.

Napoleon Dynamite.

The Eighties.

My sister.

My brother.

John Denver.

Silence.

Solitude.

My daughters.

My sons.

Blue.

When Harry Met Sally.

Barry Manillow.

Staying home.

Vegan pizza.

Joaquin Phoenix.

Soy ice cream.

Mozart.

Pickles.

Prank calls.

Older people.

Children of a Lesser God.

Guys and Dolls.

Dryer sheets.

My husband.

Driving Miss Daisy.

Lemon zest.

Il Divo.

Cilantro.

Butterflies.

Sweet and sour sauce.

Pink hair.

Blue hair.

Purple hair.

Sliding Doors.

Vocabulary.

The smell of rain.

Doughnuts.

Old hymns.

My grandparents.

Yoga pants.

David Bowie.

American History.

Gilligan’s Island.

Calves.

Horses.

Rosehip oil Make-Up.

Kindness.

Chanel No 5.

My mother-in-law.

My nephews.

My nieces.

Brown eyeliner.

Christmas Eve.

White towels.

Paulo Freire.

My parents.

Cooking.

Les Miserables.

Blogging.

Nerds.

Teenagers.

Chap sticks.

My husband’s arms.

The English Patient.

Royal Doulton.

Faith.

Adele’s voice.

Dresses over jeans.

Boots over leggings.

Mismatched silverware.

Early morning. I think.

Sense & Sensibility.

Tofu recipes

Baked vegies.

Anywhere But Here

Potatoe Chips.

Fresh ginger.

Mother Teresa.

Ponytails.

White/Silver hair.

Roses.

Watermelon.

Dahlias.

Cherry blossoms.

Orange blossoms.

Diet Pepsi.

Cotton.

Where the Heart Is.

Friends.

Camping.

Family.

Laughter.

Noam Chomsky.

Diet Dr Pepper.

(In no particular order being the operative phrase.)

Monday morning struggle

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. As a teenager I used to day-dream about having a secret admirer that would send me a romantic card for valentine's day. That has never happened.Not much hope of that changing as Mr D is far to "practical" for that. Although it saddens me to admit it; I anticipate that tomorrow will go off without incident.
This morning the tribe stuggled to meet the morning. Savannah and Caity barely made it on time for their bus. Emily's routine never changes; I tell her to do something, I tell her again, and again and then I end up doing it half an hour later. I don't remember ever being like that as a child. I don't mean I was perfect; just, that if I was told to do something I usually did it. Have parents always felt this way???
Today Mr D is going to look at another motorcycle and Becky and I are spending the morning together and baking bread. I love the smell of freshly baked bread in the house. It make it smell like a home. I think I will try to make some yummy lentil soup for dinner to go with this yummy bread.
Mommy stuff, I know. But I do love being a mom, no matter how many struggles there seems to be. Maybe I am thinking along these line because next week I start on my Masters Degree. I am both excited and scared. I want to lean, I love knowledge. Although each time I do I find that my other responsiblities seem to increase. My mommy ones. I read an article the other day which was saying that mom's have even less time to themselves these days than their parents or grandparents. The amount of mom's I see trying to fit in a full time job, full time motherhood and being a wife is amazing. When a husband gets a full time job the family fits around him; but when women work they seem to have to work around their families. I am trying to despirately plan things out. I have routines (they are flexible but I still try to follow them as best I can). Days for washing linen (clothes are done at least twice a day), a meal plan, shopping schedules, cleanings plans. If it is planned out, why does it still feel a huge load???

Back to the grind.

Perhaps I jumped the gun. At the start of the week I thought Caitlyn would handle the transition to High School. She even said it was fine. Soon after I posted last she came into our bedroom and told us that it was horrible, that she couldn't sleep (it was midnight by then; so I must admit I was exhusted), and that she wasn't even going to try to make friend's at her new school. This theme has continued with her all week.
Savannah has antagonized the situation further by trying to "find Caitlyn friend's". I know Savannah means well, and that she is a peer group leader at school but I must admit if my sister had tried this with me...... I don't know what I would have done.

Emily on the other hand; bounded into school and is loving it. She started in a new class, with none of her old friends, but remarkably she has just taken it in her stride.
I guess it all goes to show that children are all individuals.

Caity's first day at High School

Today Caitlyn started High School (year 7). Last year we moved to the otherside of the city and Caity would bus it across town at 7am to get to school. I really admired her determination as it was often 5pm before she made it back home here each day. That was a really long day for somebody who was 11 years old. Savannah transfered across to the local High School last April so she was use to this school before her final year of High School. I was really worried about Caity as even on open day she didn't seem to fit in. She told me that she spent the whole day listening to her ipod and hated her new school; so I was thrilled when she greated me with a smile today and told me her new teachers are awesome.I had to change schools 13 times in 13 years as my family moved around alot, so I have tried to create stability in these kids lives. Tomorrow Emily starts back in grade one. Lets hope that this goes off without incident.
Today was also the Super Bowl, so I took Emily and Rebecca out shopping so Mr D could watch it in peace. The girls were a handful but I was glad that I took them out. This year it seems like there are so many school supplies that I have had to get. It always seems like a budgeting exercise that never gets any easier. I also found myself wondering if I am going to be able to juggle enough time to share with these two when university goes back. I told Mr D that if I can't I will drop down to part time so I can get the chance to be the best mom I can be. Does that sound like an excuse??? I hope not.

Doubting me

How do you know when what you are doing in your life is right; I mean truely right?? Alot is happening in my life right now and I am trying to believe what I am doing is right; I even pray about it but I am left still not believing in myself or what I am doing. Today is the 28th anniversary of my (and my brother Steven and sister Kathy's) baptism. I remember being so happy that day. I remember being so very committed to the Church at that time. I would have given my life for it; not one doubt. As I have mentioned before, I spent several year away from the Church after a series of events in my life. Steven's death that same year, my son's death and the break-up of a disaterous marriage to a RM who I thought I would spend Eternity with. During that time and the time after I had a number of really horrible encounters with other Priesthood leaders that caused my to withdraw completely. Then, last year I decided it was time to try to come back to the only Church that I have ever believed in. Savannah joined the Church soon after this and it felt like we had a special bond. It was like Savannah understood somethings that the rest of the family (non members) could not. Despite trying, and doing some studying I find that I still feel empty. I attend Church regularly, but sort of don't feel I completely fit in. I wish I had that same passionate belief that I once did.
I also find it hard to totally believe in me. I have just finished an Undergraduate Degree (a Bachelor of Social and Community Studies) and I have been offered the chance to study a Masters in Social Work. Why do I not believe that I am worth it?
Yesterday Mr D made some comments on his Facebook page about how proud he is of me. It was sort of like he wanted the world to know that I achieved what I set out to do and he was so very proud of me. I cried as I read his comments. Did I deserve this? Why can't I believe for a moment that I am exactly where God would have me be? And that I am worth it?
I pray, more than anything, that I can believe in me. That I can show my tribe that their mommy is worth something and that they can achieve anything they set their minds to.

Remodeling

Today we finally start remodeling the house. I have resisted for over 9 months and finally gave in. Mr D and I will start with the pantry. I like bulk/years supply. So we need one big pantry for one big family.
The weather has finally improved so the kids can go outside and not be under-foot. Today the pantry.......tomorrow????

Mr D's birthday

School holidays are almost finished. On Monday Caitlyn will start year 7. It seems like yesterday when we enrolled her in kindergaten and she strolled in and proudly told us we were not needed anymore and to go home. They grow up so very fast.She seems alot more nervous about starting High School. I hope she loves it as must as Savannah and James did.
Today is Mr D's Birthday. He wants to down play it, but we are going out to a family restaurant with the kids to celebrate (both the birthday and the fact that we survived school holidays).We went to Henry's Family restaurant, although the food wasn't very good the kids loved the games room. We came back home for a nice bithday cake. Becky loved to toast Daddy with a glass of soda.

The weather here is cold and rainy, which is strange for this time of year in Australia. I think we would both musch rather curl up in bed with a good book (and each other) than go out, but I we are getting pretty stir crazy been home so much in this weather.
I also got accepted to the Australian Catholic University to undertake a Masters of Social Work. I am both thrill and nervous at the same time. Thrilled that I get to learn some more; I love studying. But nervous as it means juggling study, family and life once again. I have enrolled full time (and that takes two more years) but I am willing to cut down to part time once again if my family need me. It is looking like a challenging year, but one that I am looking forward to.