Surgery Monday

Well, the time has come. Surgery is scheduled for Monday. Surgery that frightens me. Surgery that I wish I could avoid. I can't help but think that after Monday I will be less of a person, a woman. If they do a hysterectomy the door will be closed forever. I have found myself thinking back to the times when I found out that I was pregnant with each and every one of my little blessings. The feeling of new, precious life growing inside of me. That is an experience that every woman should be blessed enough to have.

Speaking with our sweet neighbours the other day, I mentioned I would be going into hospital and I hoped they could help keep and eye on Mr D. I know he can handle the kids well; he is a wonderful Dad; but, I just wanted to know that there would be somebody there for him if he needs it. They asked about the surgery and if I was scared that it was cancer. I said I am not; strange, but I am not afraid of death. The idea of seeing my son, brother, Dad, Pop, Nana and Grandy leaves me feeling comforted. I am afraid of the pain. Waking from the operation to be met with incredible pain leaves me feeling like I should just cancel the surgery and endure to the end. I am thankful for each of my children. For the blessings of being a mom. For my husband and all that he does. I pray now from the strength to see my way through this and to love myself afterwards.